KG, YT, Mac, SS, PG and KK

Yesterday, when YT went to Top Inn for his evening
chai, he saw someone at his everyday table. It was KG!
Yes, his university roomie who had made it as a
celebrity writer. After the hoo-haa-bearhugging-reunion:

YT: So, what’s the fight between SS and PG about your
work man? Something to do with kids being arrows and
parents being bows… I mean, SS says kids are free,
but PG disagrees. What’s your take?

KG: Ah thaaat one! It’s one of my favourite pieces,
got me lots of fans. My take on that is, that while on
the one hand, in the contemporaneous context of
seismically shifting geo-political collective
psychologies, young…

YT: (glares knowingly, like he used to at the
university)

KG: Oh man, you catched, nah caught me!
Baadkow, you still doesn’t gets it, do you?
No wonder you’re still rotting in your jeans.

YT: Tell me man, I’m really curious, what’s your
stance? You wrote it after all.

KG: Seriously? Ok, see, it’s like... like... you know... well…

YT: …

KG: Well, I don’t know man! Do you have kids?

YT: No

KG: Nor do I! So how the hell should I know man?

YT: But it sounded nice and convincing, what you
wrote!

KG: Yeah thankzz! See, thaaat’s the whole point about
writing.  If it sounds cool, there WILL be something
to it. Invariably. Ok? I mean, if it come out of ME,
it it it it it come from either my body or soul or whatever,
right? So, it WILL mean SOME thing. If it sounds
really, really cool, it probably come from the mind
ok? After all, the mind’s the deepest thingie, the
core, the ultimate…

YT: The soul is supposed to be the deepest.

KG: Yeah, fine, whatever. The point is - call it luck
or inborn talent - I figured that I could
write cool stuff... things that could swing any which way.
Meaning... it could mean this or that or anything else
or all of the above and none of the above.
So I just went in and got the whole contacts, PR, 
marketing jig right… even a spell-checker and grammar-checker.
I mean, the copies really fly man, even after my death.

YT: So, you don’t really need to be clear in your head
or something?

KG: Mmm, it depends… actually no. See, it's like this.
When I write something, I don't even know if it's cool or not.
The marketing guys get people to read it ok?
I mean, really, really bright people.
And you know what? I figured that no two bright kids
interpret anything the same way ok? So what happens?
They meet up, they talk about my piece, and hey,
before you know, they’re fighting about it man!

YT: Yeah, I've noticed.

KG: That's when I know I wrote something cool.
Then what happens? There’s this dumb kid in their
circle ok? He sees these bright kids fighting over my
piece ok? Now, he’s feeling left out and desperately
wants to fit in. So what does he do? Runs to the
bookstore and picks up my book! That’s how the copies
fly man!

YT: It can't all be about copies! What if the two
bright kids met you and asked you questions?

KG: That’s the part I love the most! I talk to them
how I talk in public ok?  “My take on that is, that
while on the one hand, in the contemporaneous context
of seismically shifting geo-political collective
psychologies, young…”

YT: But that’s…

KG: It’s crap to you dude. Not to them. To them, I
said something that they couldn’t entirely figure, so
it must be something deeper ok? See, these kids already think
that they're too deep for the world to understand them, LOL,
and they suddenly feel dumb that THEY don't understand
WTF I'm on about. So they go about hunting for some ‘hidden meanings’,
'deeper depths', and so on.
Actually the kids call it something cool... 'lay... lay...'
what's that word man, you know, that stacked kinda word...
yeah, 'layers'! Such a cool word.
And you know what, they find them!
Not only that, they come back and teach me too!
That’s when I pat them on their backs,
and hey, I got myself fans for life man!

KG and YT laugh aloud.

YT: Anyway, be happy it's only SS and PG dissecting your piece.
They know what a library is.
Had it been one of those one-book wonders,
you'd be getting stoned... to death, I mean.
You must know those ones, right?

KG: Yeah of course man.
(drifts hesitantly)
...
I first learnt that libraries exist, from Mac.

YT: Mac! Really?? But who did Mac learn that from?
And how's he doing?

KG: Mac’s ok man. He'z shifted to Dubai.
He learned... nah learnttt about libraries
from SS and KK. And apparently you.

YT: KK! Hey, you know what, KK’s running a marathon!

KG: Marathon? Oh man, that reminds me! Man, do you
know where I can rent out a pair of sneakers, shorts,
a number-plated t-shirt and an oxygen cylinder for a
day?

YT: Are you mad? What for?

KG: Mmm… see I gotta be at the Kukatpally-Dilsukhnagar
Marathon tomorrow, so…

YT: What the… what’s this marathon for?

KG: C'mon man, I’m the brand guy for the show! It’s
an effort to alleviate the trauma caused by the social
stigma attached to non-circumstantial…

YT: (glares knowingly)

KG: Baadkow, you never doesn’t gets it, do you? Look, I
gotta go and figure out the sneakers, ok? Garmeshwar
will whip me otherwise. See you around man! Get a life
man, ok?

YT: Ok dawg, got it! See you around!

KG rushes out of Top Inn, but returns after a few
seconds.

KG: Hey man, I need a favour, ok? You won’t tell
anyone I talk this way, will you?

THE END

----------------------

CHARACTERS

KG: Kahlil Gibran. Celebrity Writer.

SS: Suja Swaminathan

PG: Puneet Gupta

KK: Kavita Krishna

Mac: Maqbool Fida Hussain. Celebrity Painter.

Garmeshwar: Parmeshwar Godrej. Hot Indian Celebrity Socialite.

YT: Yours Truly

----------------------

DISCLAIMER

This is a work of fiction. Really. Sure, all the names
are real, but their characters have been fictionalized
to be deliberately misrepresented and juxtaposed in
incongruous circumstances to establish the obligatory
dyna…

Time Warp

From birth, on this land
Stood a giant mound
Of shell, ooze and sponge;
Above clouds, beyond horizons

At its base, inside the pit
Lived the two-toothed priest
Swaying, laughing, blessing.
Ageless and Tireless

When inquired of the mound
He offered samosa and toddy
But never an answer
“Go find out” he said

None cared, none dared
Some out of respect,
All out of fear.
Until the wrinkled hag

She set out on foot
Towards the eastern Sun,
Walking spellbound days on
And re-arrived at the pit

“Ten days! What did you see?”
“Ten days? Nay, ten minutes!
See my wrinkles are gone
My pulse is even, I’m a maiden!

Who saw those apples
With surgical stitches”
They laughed and laughed,
The priest and the hag
Partaking in samosa and toddy

Then it was the chieftain
Who re-arrived at the pit,
Having heard from the maiden
Of the miraculous mound

“Ten days! What did you see?”
“Ten days? Nay, ten minutes!
See my clot is gone
My heart is aflow, I’m a singer

Who saw the purplest sky
Resting vertically”
They laughed and laughed,
The priest and the chieftain
Partaking in samosa and toddy

“Ants weightlifting atoms”
“Squirrels making engineering drawings”
“Fish agitating for land”
“Hyenas tilling fields”

Thus it went with the ensuing hordes
Who followed the unwritten rules
All gained something and all saw something
What only they could

One day the New Man arrived
On his alphanumeric bike
Covered in gear
Revealed in mission

“What a waste” he said
“Of ten precious days!
I shall show you dopes
Profits of productive science"

The priest, as usual
Swayed, laughed and blessed
Never siding
Never doubting

Without a moment’s delay
The bike left
At the speed of sound
To conquer the mound

“Ten minutes! What did you see?”
New Man said, "Nothing!
Who has the time?"
And planted the chequered flag

At that moment the mound shrank
To human scale
When it became evident to all
That He was a Snail

Gazing into the priest’s eye,
From the moist antenna,
The Snail emitted an audio wave,
One to be visible henceforth

Worldwide, all sets
Received this broadcast
Of a forgotten language
“Drsh Khwalrum Asnm”

Everyone laughed and worried
When the children said,
“'Drsh Khwalrum Asnm' means
'My Time has come'”